I think I died a long time ago.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
