you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
