The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
