Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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