I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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