we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
