you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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