Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
