I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
do herpes really smell.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
