You work out of a Hotel?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
True strength comes from lack of pants
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
