I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
