The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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