Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
