i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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