wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
