I like to think it a success when the cops are called
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
