Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
BRING THE BAGELS
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
