i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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