tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
