Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
