I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she told me i tasted like america
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
