OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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