I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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