Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
