I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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