Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
