if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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