i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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