I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
