I'm jealous of your bromance
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
