he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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