I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
