I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
