I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
