made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
