half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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