so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
