My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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