It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
