Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
