I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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