i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
