Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
