I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
