I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
