I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
