My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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