hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
