maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
