this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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