He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
